Baby Care Tips

INTRODUCTION
How can I stop my baby from crying
Should I pich her up every time she cries
When should the doctor be called

WHY DO BABIES CRY
Crying as a means of communication
Crying from hunger
Crying because of fatigue
Crying because of indigestation
Crying because she needs to be burped
Crying for apparently no reason at all

What can a newborn baby see

In the first couple of months, your baby will not be able to focus on anything further than ten inches from her face. A newborn's eyes are sensitive to the human face and movement. A newborn's colour vision is initially limited to bright colours like red and blue, and then expands to include green and yellow.

When will my child develop perfect vision (like an adult)

The baby will probably develop complete three-dimensional vision only by the time she is four months old. She will probably have perfect vision by the time she is six months old.

How can I tell if my child has a vision problem

If your child keeps bumping into the furniture or has trouble following the trajectory of a ball thrown to her, it may be a sign that she cannot see properly. Be alert for changes in the appearance of her eyes, such as a lazy eye, drooping eyelid or a squint.

Hearing

What can my newborn baby hear

In early infancy, babies are startled by loud noises. By the time they are three months old, they merely blink. At four months, they turn towards the source of the sound. Hearing and speech go hand in hand. By three months, most babies will have limited conversations with their parents. Familiar sounds will arouse certain emotions.

How does a baby's hearing develop

As she grows older, the baby's hearing becomes more analytical. She understands that different emotions like anger and love have different voice modulations. Sounds help a child learn to communicate. Speech will develop faster if a child is spoken to and addressed.

How can I tell if my child has a hearing problem

Since hearing and speech go hand-in-hand, if your child is not speaking by the time she is 36 months old, you may have to seek medical advise. Deficient hearing may be responsible for a speech problem.

The Need for Expressing Milk

Why do women need to pump their breasts

Breast milk can be expressed either manually or by using a breast pump. There are several reasons why a woman would need to pump her breasts:

• To draw out inverted nipples late in pregnancy
• To start the flow if the milk is slow in "coming in"
• To alleviate breast engorgement and prevent clogging in over-full breasts
• To increase or maintain the milk supply.
• To collect and store milk for later use (for working women who cannot be home at feeding time)
• To provide milk for bottle-feeding or tube-feeding if the baby is premature, has been hospitalized or has an oral defect that makes nursing difficult for the baby
• To stimulate relactation if they change their minds about breastfeeding.

I am a working woman. How do I manage breastfeeding my baby

Company policy usually provides for three months maternity leave for the working woman. You should breastfeed your child for as long as you can stay home (including at night). For times when you have to be away from home, express milk so that the child continues to get his regular nutrition and your supply of milk does not reduce. Avoid bottle feeding as far as possible.

For how long does breast milk last.

It is always better to use expressed breast milk while it is fresh. However, expressed breast milk can be stored for at least 8 hours at room temperature without going bad. Store the breast milk in a sterilized plastic container in the refrigerator. If you do not intend to use the expressed milk in the next 48 hours, chill it in the refrigerator for 30 minutes and then put it in the freezer. Breast milk can stay fresh in the freezer for a week or two.

How do I take care of expressed breast milk

You should not keep milk expressed at different times in the same container. When storing the milk, label each container with the date on which the milk was expressed. Use the oldest milk first. Breast milk does not need to be boiled. It is already sterile. When you are ready to feed the baby, you should heat the expressed milk in a bottle (not heat it directly). Some doctors advise against heating the breast milk in the microwave oven. You should also not keep reheating the same milk.

Balanced Diet

What is a balanced diet

A diet which contains all the nutrients e.g. energy, proteins, fats, vitamins, minerals etc. required by a child for the proper maintenance of health and optimum growth is termed as a 'balanced diet'. Dals and beans have high contents of protein and a small amount of fat. Bread is rich in carbohydrates but poor in proteins.

What does the child need in his diet

It is important that a child's diet should be both good in quality as well as adequate in quantity. If his diet is deficient in nutrients and energy, it can adversely affect his weight gain and body growth. The child's diet should supply him with proteins, carbohydrates, fats, vitamins, minerals and other nutrients in adequate quantities.

How do I provide a balanced diet

Your child would receive a proper balanced diet if he eats a meal consisting of food items like: chapatis, bread, rice, breakfast cereals, maize, potatos, dals, beans, poultry and meats, milk, cheese etc. It is important to mix various kinds of foods so that his requirements of nutrients would be met. It is important for you to ensure that your child eats food in adequate quantities. Considering a child's small appetite, it is advisable that his food should be rich in nutritive value and that he should eat more often during the course of the day.

What is anaemia

Deficiency of iron in young children causes anaemia. Dark green vegetables and meats are rich in iron. Iron is also found in chapatis, breads, eggs, dals, nuts and beans.

Debunking New Mother Myths

Becoming parents is a huge change, but one that many couples have strong opinions about. However, those opinions often get in the way of an easier adjustment. Some of the most frequent misconceptions of a new mother are discussed below:

Your baby's hair is straight and fine - you expected it to be curly and thick. His ears are huge, and his nose is tiny. She has your mother-in-law's hands! He has your father-in-law's eyes! You are amazed and bewildered.

This is not the baby of your fantasies and you are not overflowing with maternal love like you hoped to be. In fact, you don't even feel like a mother and you wish people would stop asking how it feels to be a "mom."

Perhaps you are exhilarated the first few weeks after your baby's birth, only to wake up two months later in tears, overwhelmed by your new role. You are still overweight. You are bone-tired. Your husband seems to have resumed his life at the office, just as it was before the baby. But you are at home, feeling frumpy, grumpy and isolated. A childless friend calls to tell you about her terrific vacation in Goa and you burst into tears. You wonder, will you and your husband ever vacation again?

You're not alone. Most new parents find that life with a new baby is not what they imagined it would be. Some of the new reality is better than expected, some of it worse, some of it just plain different. Most are unprepared for this bumpy path, in no small part because new parenthood " especially new motherhood " is steeped in mythology.

"Maternal instinct" is supposed to chart the course. New wave mothers and fathers are supposed to fall into loving and cooperative roles starting with the first labor contraction.

As any parent who has been through the first three months can tell you, reality has little to do with these fantasies, and the fantasies serve only to make you feel guilty and disappointed. The parents who handle these months the best are those who try to roll with the emotional punches. They are wise enough to abandon the idea of trying to mold the experience to meet their fantasy or any one else's.

My body and emotions will return to "normal" within a few months of the baby 's birth.

For most women this is not true. It more often takes six months to a year to lose the weight put on during pregnancy. This should not come as such a surprise - after all, it took nine months to produce a baby, it's not unreasonable to take nine months to reverse the enormous changes pregnancy made in your body. And don't be surprised if your body has permanently changed in certain ways. Your bone structures may have changed slightly; your shoe size might even be different. If you had a cesarean, you may find your stomach has a slightly different shape, in spite of frequent exercise. It will also take a while for your body to regain its hormonal balance, particularly if you are nursing. Women sometimes complain that sex is not as pleasurable, even after the immediate postpartum period has passed. Your body will feel good again in time, but don't be disappointed if it takes longer than you imagined.

I can be in control of the experience.

During the first few months, your baby is apt to be the one in the driver's seat. Newborns don't care whether you just stepped in the shower, or just feel asleep. When they are hungry or want to be held, they will cry out until you come. Because of this, it is absolutely normal to feel out of control during the first few months. This can be quite disconcerting - especially for women used to holding jobs in which tasks are planned, organized and completed. There will be days with your baby when everything runs smoothly. But there will also be days when the baby's demands create chaos, and you feel like shouting. Days may pass in a fog, and you cannot explain to your childless friends " or to yourself " what you have been doing. All you know is that the baby keeps you running. You may find yourself obsessing on some minor task, like organizing the changing table or trying to straighten the living room, just to inject a sense of order into your life.

In these early months, it's better to try to accept a little chaos; having a baby is not a tidy experience. In time, you and your baby will develop a rhythm. Your baby will settle into a schedule, sleep longer, and at the same time you will start to feel more confident and competent.

There is one right way to do things.

Many baby books promote this idea. They are full of advice on how to survive these early months. New parents are often told, for example, that all newborns love to be swaddled. Or you may be told that all babies love motion, and the best way to calm a colicky baby is to put the baby in the car and drive around. Indeed, this may be true of 99 percent of all babies - but not of yours. The notion that there is one right way to handle all children is a comforting one " all we would have to do is find and follow it, and baby care would be easy " but the notion is also false, since all children and all parents are not exactly alike. These first few months are a time to experiment and find out what you and your baby like best.

The baby's father will act exactly the way you want him to.

Men's roles are changing. Many men now do venture into the delivery room. This has led many women to expect that dad will also automatically wake up for night feedings, change diapers without asking and generally share in newborn care. In most cases, this simply does not happen for a variety of reasons. Many men equate fathering with being a good provider, and feel the pressure to work even harder after the baby is born. Thus, rather than immersing themselves in baby care, they may actually withdraw into work feeling this makes them a better father. They may also take longer to develop a strong bond with the baby, since most fathers do not spend as much time with a newborn as mothers.

This myth can cause enormous strain on a relationship, especially for a couple that has been used to sharing most responsibilities in the past. Don't romanticize your abilities or your mates'. Expect this to be an enormously stressful time, and that you will both react to stress as you normally would only more so. If your husband withdraws under stress, he may withdraw even more now. Birth will not magically transform either your husband or you into perfect, new wave parents. It is essential for the two of you to have time alone together, without the baby. Take it slowly and give each other a lot of leeway in these early months.

It is pathological to be depressed in the first three months; I should have it all together at least by then.

You would have to be crazy not to feel crazy at times in these early months. Your sense of humor, sense of proportion and sense of self may fly out the window at times during these early months. And this should not be surprising. Your sleep patterns are disturbed, and many new mothers don't eat as well as they should. Sooner or later, you realize your whole identity is changing. As the enormity of the changes sweep over you, you may feel depressed or rather manic-depressive, uncertain about how you feel. One day you're not ready to be a mother, you're overwhelmed by the responsibility. You may feel a sense of loss, in mourning for the person you used to be. A week later, you may zing into a mood of exultation, feeling excited at your new role and the way your life is changing.

Feeling confused is simply a sign that you are acknowledging the change. Indeed, we believe the minute you confess you are not ready to be a parent is the minute you are absolutely ready for your new role. It means you have begun to face the experience head on, and to sort out its meanings. Some of your reactions may well be exaggerated by the lack of sleep, but intense mood swings, irritability, and elation are all common in the first three months.

Some new parents do find themselves in a more severe emotional crisis, and need to seek counseling. If you depression is unrelenting and you feel you simply can't handle the experience, short-term counseling or therapy may help you work out your feelings. Or if a number of friends and family express concern over changes in your moods, you may also want to consider counseling.

If I don't know what to do now, I'll never be a good mother.

Unfortunately, mothers are not given divine knowledge about their babies from the moment of birth. It takes a while to learn how to handle your child, and it takes a while to learn the parameters of what is normal, healthy behavior in your child. It may even take a few months to learn how to comfort your baby and if you have a colicky baby, it may take you a few months to learn that there is very little you can do to comfort your baby during colic. You may panic when your baby spits up, or has her first fever or cold. Such feelings are especially common with a first child, but they occur also with a second, third or tenth child. Learning to be a good mother means learning about this baby, and that takes time. Don't be disturbed if you feel inept changing a diaper and haven't the foggiest notion what your baby's cries mean. None of it is automatic, and every mother has plenty of questions in the first three months.

I have to be careful not to spoil my baby.

It is not possible to spoil a baby in the first three months - perhaps not even in the first 12 months. A newborn does not cry to get your goat or to manipulate you. These tiny creatures are not yet capable of such adult motives. A newborn cries to get her needs met; she has no other means of communication. Responding to cries does not encourage a baby to cry more often. Indeed, studies show that babies who are attended to promptly cry less. Your quick response assures her that she lives in a safe, dependable environment.

I must give my baby plenty of "stimulation " in the first three months.

The latest folk wisdom holds that the more you "stimulate" your baby, the smarter he will be. New parents are also told that the earlier their baby gets used to other people, the better he will socialize later. All of this is not necessarily true, and certainly not true of every baby. A new baby is stimulated by everything around her, because, to him everything is new. Talking and interacting with your baby will give him all the "stimulation" he needs. You needn't rush out to the local baby massage class or infant gym - unless you find it a convenient way to meet other new mothers, and your baby seems to enjoy the experience. A crowd of people makes some babies cranky, tired or fearful.

Nursing will be a pleasant experience right from the beginning.

It often takes up to six weeks to enjoy nursing. Many women are disappointed and shocked when they find that it is difficult at first. Engorgement " when your milk comes in " can be painful and your nipples may be sore from the sucking. Nursing can also be fatiguing, and it takes a while for your milk to work in sync with the baby's needs - you may find that you are leaking milk between feedings. This is all normal. Do not be discouraged by people who say your milk is not good; it is the best food your baby can have.

I can consciously decide what kind of mother I want to be, and act on those beliefs all the time.

It's good to have ideals, but it's also important to be realistic. Your baby's personality will play a role in the kind of mother you are. A baby who is serene most of time makes it easier for her mother to be serene much of the time. If your baby is a good sleeper or a good eater, or nurses a lot or nurses a little, it will change the demands on you and so the way you react. Your own history will also come into play, no matter how hard you try to avoid it. You may vow to be different from your own parents, and in many ways, you probably will be. But our history is not erased the moment we become parents. It is more than likely that there will be days that you will behave just like your mother. Rather then punish yourself, you may find yourself more empathetic to your mother. Or you may analyze why you acted that way, and try to change that behavior in the future. But it's important to give yourself the gift of flexibility. No one is perfect, and no one can predict how she will feel as a parent before she becomes one. Allow yourself to be human, and to change your mind!

The baby will be a lovely addition to my life; it won 't really change things fundamentally.

A baby will change your life fundamentally, although it may dawn on you only gradually. At first, if your baby is willing, you may be able to cart her around to cocktail parties and restaurants, letting her sleep in a portable bassinet or stroller. And you may even survive a few days of pretending that you have the same energy and abilities that you had before you became pregnant. Sooner or later, however, the enormous changes that your body has undergone, the lack of sleep and the presence of this new person in your house will have its effect. As the early months pass, you will come to see that having a baby is not just adding another pair of socks to the laundry. It is a responsibility and an adventure, an experience that alters that relationship between you and your mate, you and the larger world and creates an entirely new relationship for you.

You will feel an instant attachment to your baby.

Many new mothers are so exhausted by the birth experience that they are not even interested in their baby at first. Sometimes the baby looks so different from what they expected that they are shocked. Or a new mother is upset that the relationship is such a one-way street at first - she gives so much to her newborn, and she doesn't get even a smile for the first month. All of these emotions are quite common and normal.

Your reactions to each baby you have will depend on you, the birth experience, your baby's temperament and appearance and other demands on you at the time. It is odd that in most of our relationships, we accept that it takes time to form a strong bond, but mothers are expected to offer newborns instant, unconditional love. You may have that feeling - but then again, you may not. It may take you and your baby a while to come to know and love each other.

GETTING YOUR BABY HOME
Worried about caring for the baby at home

PREPARING FOR BATH
I am uncomfortable about giving a bath
How do I prepare for a baby�s bath

SPONGE BATH
Special care for the unhealed navel
How do I give my baby a sponge bath

BATHNG YOUR BABY
Any tips for giving may baby a tub bath
How do I bathe the baby

Bathing your baby

Before bathing your baby, assemble her clothes, towels and the other bathing supplies.

Don't leave her unattended for even a moment. Make sure everything you need is within arm's reach - even the phone.

Close all the windows. Your baby is extremely delicate and a draft could cause her to catch a chill. Make sure the room is warm.

If your newborn's umbilical cord hasn't fallen off, give her a sponge bath. You can start giving her a tub bath after the cord falls out and the navel has healed. Don't wet the umbilical cord. If it gets wet by mistake, dab some alcohol on it.

If your male baby has been circumcised, give him sponge baths till the area heals. Only after it has completely healed should you give him a tub bath.

There are lots of tubs from which to choose. Some plastic baby tubs have a built-in seat for the baby to lean against; others include a removable hammock so she won't be completely immersed in the water. There are inflatable models your baby can comfortably sink into and others that fit into the bathtub.

If you don't have a tub but have a large sink, you could bathe your baby in it. Make sure it is well cleaned and disinfected first, and that it has a stopper.

Place a towel at the bottom of the tub or sink so it is not too slippery.
Fill up the tub or sink with water and test the temperature. Never pour the water into the tub with the baby in it; there might be a sudden temperature change.

Once you have the water (at the right temperature) ready, undress your baby and gently place her into the bath. Always support her neck and back with one hand until she can sit up. With the other hand, using a soft washcloth and baby soap, wash her ears and neck, paying attention to her ever-multiplying chins. Then wash her upper body, legs, genitals and back.

Don't wash inside her ears. The area is very delicate, and you may damage it.

Use a very gentle, mild soap and shampoo made especially for babies. Don't apply soap to her face.

If you're shampooing your baby's head, wrap her up in a towel and dip her head gently in the water. Shampoo, and then dip her head again to rinse out the suds. If she has cradle cap, shampoo her hair more often. When you apply shampoo, comb her hair to loosen the scales. Cover her head with a towel after you finish shampooing her.

After your baby's fully bathed, cover her with a towel and gently clothe her. She's ready to be pampered! It's best to avoid applying any form of powder or lotion on your newborn.

Month-by-Month Development

Introduction

"Man is a social animal", is an oft-repeated phrase. Every individual must learn to live in a society. At some point they will have to realize that the world does not revolve around them. Thus, the social development of your child is as important as its physical and intellectual development. Your child must be able to communicate and interact with other people. Every baby has a unique personality waiting to develop. Watching your baby grow, is like meeting a whole new person. Every baby has its likes and dislikes. Some are jolly, while others may not crack a smile. As your baby learns to express herself better, her personality will be revealed to you. The development of a baby from a passive creature into a social being is a fascinating process.

How will my baby behave when she is three months old

Your baby will display a liking for company and human contact. She will express her displeasure by crying when she is ignored or left alone. She will express pleasure when others are around by smiling, kicking her legs or waving her arms. She will turn around and look when people are speaking and smile when you speak to her. She will recognize familiar faces and react towards strangers by crying or turning away.

From four to six months

Your baby will focus on faces and follow a person with her eyes when he walks away. She will lift her hands in a gesture indicating that you should pick her up. She will laugh when you pay attention to her and play with her. Your baby will be able to differentiate between a smile and a scolding voice. She will smile at familiar people and show visible signs of fear towards strangers. At six months, your baby will become more interactive, pulling the hair of the person holding her, rubbing noses with them or patting their faces.

From seven months to a year

Your baby will begin to imitate speech sounds and gestures. She will desist from whatever she is doing when you say "no." She will become more clingy at this stage and express fear and dislike of strangers by rushing to your side or crying.
What your baby understands in 3-6 months
Smiling, chuckling, laughing and squealing time

Three months

She will immediately see a toy held above her. She will smile when you speak and squeal and gurgle with pleasure. She will show obvious signs of curiosity and interest in what is happening around her.

Four months

She will react in an excited manner at feeding time. She will laugh and chuckle when played with. She will love to be propped up so that she can keep an eye on what is going on around her and she will turn her head towards any sound.

Five months

She can express fear, anger and disgust.

Six months

The baby will be able to differentiate between different kinds of food and develop dietary preferences. She will also be fascinated by mirrors and the fact that she can see an image of herself in one.

What your baby understands in 7 months - 1 year
Understanding words and playing peek-a-boo

Eight months

She will know her name and will understand the concept of "no." She will try to attract your attention by making little sounds.

Nine months

She will exhibit a will of her own and may try to stop you from doing something that causes her discomfort, like wiping her face, for instance. She will display an absorption in toys and games. She will lift up a cloth under which an object is hidden.

Ten months

She will be able to clap her hands and wave goodbye. She will also show that she understands a small number of words and very short, simple statements.

Eleven months

She will enjoy games like "peek-a-boo" and dropping things and having you pick them up. She will be fascinated by sound and will want to shake, rattle and bang objects.

Twelve months

She will derive great pleasure in making you laugh and will do things that amuse you repeatedly. She will enjoy looking at books with you and will even try to help you undress her by lifting her hands. She will have learned a few simple words like bat, ball and bath.

What your baby understands in the second year
Speech and language Time

During the second year, your baby will consolidate the physical skills she has learned in the first year and she will master one of the most difficult intellectual skills - speech.

Fifteen months

She will want to brush her own hair and help you with household chores like dusting. She will understand the meaning of kissing and will kiss you on demand. She may not understand individual words, but will be able to comprehend quite complex sentences.

Eighteen months

She will know the names of the different parts of her body and will be able to identify them. She will point to objects like a dog, cow or ball when you read to her. If you ask her to fetch something, she will.

Twenty-one months

She will understand and obey simple requests. She will come to you and draw your attention towards things that interest her or anything with which she has a problem. She will love scribbling with a pencil.

Two years

By now, your baby becomes quite self-sufficient and can amuse herself. She will be quite happy playing on her own. She will make up and down strokes with a pencil, imitating a writing motion. She will know the names of familiar objects and use them with meaning.

What your baby understands in the third year
This is the "why" time

This is the stage when your child's favourite word is "why?" Your child will now progress from perceiving the world in the form of separate things and single events. The child will now learn to establish links between different things. She will start to think about the meaning of experiences and to learn from them. Her sense of creativity and imagination will be awakened. Her concept of time will be expanded to include the past and future, not just the present. She will learn to think ahead, to plan.

Two years, three months

Your child will develop a sense of self. She knows who she is and can say her name. She will become more assertive about what she wants. She will pit her will against yours, saying "no" more often than not. She will try to build houses and castles with bricks.

Two years, six months

She will know both her first name and her surname. She will enjoy lending you a hand with simple chores like laying the table. She will be able to draw vertical and horizontal lines. She will realise that a boy's sexual organs are different from hers.

Two years, nine months

She will know the difference between boys and girls. She will be able to learn nursery rhymes and repeat them. She will ask questions and begin to understand numbers. She will try to draw a circle, but will not succeed without help.

Three years

Her social skills will improve and she will enjoy playing with other children. She will comprehend the meaning of words like "on", "under" and "behind" and will be able to formulate quite complicated sentences. She will almost be able to draw a circle.

Discipline and your Child

My child seems to have a mind of her own

Your child's bad behaviour at this age will express itself as crying and grumpiness. This is probably because she is hungry, overtired, ill or feeling insecure. It is not her fault, as she does not exert much control over herself or her environment. As she approaches her first birthday, she will begin to exhibit a will of her own and may challenge your authority. Allow her the freedom to choose what she wants to eat or wear. This will give her the impression that she has a measure of control over her life.

Do I need to discipline my child before she is a year old

When your baby is less than a year old, she does very little that would actually require disciplining her. Discipline at this stage will probably take the form of you saying "no" or taking something away from the baby that is not good for her. You can be your child's guide to good behaviour by setting an example yourself.

Concerns about your Anti-social Child

I think my baby is antisocial

Some babies are difficult to please. They do not laugh or smile, do not like being cuddled or playing games. At the same time, they cry when they are left alone. They are slow and difficult feeders. When they are tired, they fret and do not sleep. Nothing can make them happy.

How should I deal with my anti-social child

It is important that parents of babies like this do whatever it takes to make the baby respond and interact with them. Else, the baby will grow up to be a somber and taciturn individual.

Difficult Children - Moody, Disobedient, Naughty

My child is moody and disobedient

Most of a toddler's actions are aimed at attracting your attention. Thus, she may try speaking to you, crying, hitting you or annoying you. She is not particular whether the attention is positive or negative as long as she can catch your eye. Once you respond to her, she will smile or laugh at you. She will behave in an increasingly wilful manner in an attempt to assert her independence. Do not thwart her attempts at independence at every stage, although it may express itself as disobedience. This can lead to her developing a negative attitude in the future. Your baby will have frequent mood swings veering between extreme displays of affection and anger. The good news is that your child will become more participative in play and this is a good opportunity to teach them to share.

How do I deal with a naughty child

A naughty child is one who knows the difference between right and wrong, but lacks the maturity to exert self-control and do the right thing. They are usually apologetic and contrite when caught. However, often you will find that they are doing the exact same thing you had scolded them for doing just an hour ago. You have to be very patient with naughty children. Initially, you should try the sympathetic approach, speaking to them frequently. If this fails, punishment becomes necessary. Corporal punishment is not an option. Restricting or withdrawing privileges is much more effective.

My child does not seem to listen to me

A disobedient child is one who deliberately flouts authority. Children like this really try your patience. A disobedient child is rarely contrite or apologetic. His defiance leads to confrontations. Remember that physical punishment is likely to lead to aggression and truculence on his part. A programme that is a combination of reasoning and positive reinforcement is recommended. Explain to the child that her activities are anti-social or dangerous and suggest how she should behave.

Is my child being particularly difficult

This is the time you will probably realize why this stage has been referred to as "the terrible twos." Nothing seems to be easy any more. You and your child just do not seem to understand each other. Your child is trying to spread her wings a little bit for the first time. She will constantly waver between asserting her independence and seeking your approval. She will become frustrated trying to do things for herself too soon. She will not allow you to help, although she may need your assistance. She will probably bite off more than she can chew in her quest to take charge of her life. This is an exasperating experience for you as you walk the fine line between encouraging her to be self-reliant and laying down the law.

Timid Children and Aggressive Children

Is my child too shy and timid

Some children are naturally shy. They do not speak much and keep to themselves. Other children are chatterboxes at home. However, when they are introduced into a new situation or to new people, they seem to withdraw into a shell. Children like this cannot be thrust into a new situation. You have to give them time to adjust. Do not try to force them to join in immediately. Encourage them to socialize when they feel comfortable.

My child is very aggressive

Inordinate aggression in a child is usually the result of parental neglect, absence, too much or too little discipline. Aggressive children are usually bullies, physically and verbally attacking children much smaller than them. Aggression must be nipped in the bud. Corporal punishment is not the answer. Clearly demonstrate your disapproval and praise good behaviour.

Concerns about Spoiling your Child

My child is extremely tantrumatic

Does your child lie down on the floor kicking and screaming until she is red in the face because she has not been able to get her own way? There is no need for concern. These are normal attention-seeking devices adopted by one and two year olds. At this age, children frequently clash with their parents, as their judgement is not as well developed as their will power. This is their way of coping with conflict. Remember that the best way to deal with a tantrum is to ignore it. The whole purpose of a tantrum is to attract attention. If you react with anger, you will only serve to fuel the tantrum and the child's behaviour will deteriorate.

How do I know when I'm spoiling my child

The love of a mother for her child is said to be the most unconditional, unselfish love. She wants to see her child happy and protect her from all possible harm. Mothers often sacrifice their own needs, always putting their child first. Children are spoiled when parents make them the centre of their universe. The child is made to feel that no one and nothing is as important as she is. Overindulgence means allowing your child's will to prevail over yours. It means allowing your child to get her own way through wheedling and bullying you.

How can I ensure that I don't spoil my child

You must convey to your child that the world does not revolve around her. She must be made to understand that she must be able to do things on her own and that there may be times when you need your own space. You will not achieve this by putting a stop to giving her gifts or putting a rein on displays of affection.

Playing with other Children

When will my child learn to play with other children

Initially, your child is only exposed to members of the family and extended family. You should encourage your child to interact with new people as soon as possible. By the time they are 18 months old, children can usually tolerate each other's presence, although they may not play together.

How do I teach my child to share

When they begin to play with other children, it is not unusual for them to hit each other and grab each other's toys. You will have to explain the concept of sharing to your child. Teach your child to be generous. At this age, your opinion is still important to them. Reward acts of generosity with approval. She will soon extend her generosity to people outside the family.

Your Fledgling Adult

Developing her individuality

The child slowly begins to understand that she is an individual in her own right, as opposed to being an extension of you. She will expand her horizons, realizing that she is not the focal point of the universe.

Signs of early maturity

She will learn to put others first, displaying spontaneous acts of generosity and unselfishness. She will become more sensitive to the feelings of others, exhibiting sympathy and concern. She will move on from mere imitation to learning through "identification." She will understand the meaning of putting herself in the other person's shoes.

Managing the Child's Fears

My child's fears seem irrational

Your child is very likely to display insecurities and fears that may seem incomprehensible to you. You can not understand why your child should cling to you just before you leave home, afraid that you will not return. You can understand if your child is afraid of thunder, but why should she be terrified of dogs? It is not important that you comprehend the basis of your child's fears. Whether their fears seem rational or irrational, you must remember that these fears are very real to your child.

How do I deal with my child's fears

You need to handle them gently and sympathetically. She needs your help to cope. Making fun of her or being dismissive of her fears will worsen the situation and make her feel isolated. You must explain to her that there is no need to be frightened, but that you understand if she is.

Children Touching their Genitals

My child is constantly touching her genitals

Children become aware of their genital organs towards the end of the first year. Touching their genitalia is a normal extension of the way they explore the rest of their bodies. Over time, children realize that handling their genitals is pleasurable.

Is my child masturbating

Handling becomes more like fondling that takes on the overtones of real masturbation. There are many misconceptions about masturbation. Masturbation is not something to be embarrassed about in children or among adults. It does not lead to homosexuality, blindness or insanity.

Should I be concerned

There is no need for concern. Your child is not a pervert. Masturbation in young children is rarely done with any purpose or for any length of time. The pleasure the child derives is almost incidental, rather than sexual. Do not reprimand your child for this normal behaviour. You will make her feel ashamed and it will probably result in her continuing to masturbate furtively. She will probably never discuss her genitals or sexuality with you in the future. The best way to deal with this is to ignore it. If it happens in public, distract your child, but under no circumstances, take her to task.

Bed-wetting

Why does my child still wet her bed

It is not unusual for a child under the age of four to wet her bed occasionally. One in ten boys wet their bed at the age of five. Bladder control is a skill that develops at different rates in different children. It may take a few years before your child can keep from urinating for ten or more hours through the night. Anxiety could be a cause for bed-wetting. A change of circumstances like the arrival of a new baby, or a move to a new place can trigger this reaction.

What can I do to help

Discourage the intake of fluids an hour before bedtime. Ensure that your child empties her bladder before she goes to bed. Keep a potty beside her bed so that if she needs to urinate at night she does not have to go all the way to the bathroom. Make sure that her nightwear is easily removable. Leave a night light on so that your child can see if she wakes up at night. Put a rubber sheet on her bed and cover that with a sheet.

Do not make an issue of bed-wetting. Never draw attention to wet beds. Change the sheets with a minimum of fuss. Do not reprimand your child. This will make her feel inadequate.

Thumb Sucking FAQ's

My child continues to suck her thumb. What should i do?

It is perfectly normal for a young child to suck her thumb, bite her nails or carry a security blanket. Most school children have these habits. These unconscious, nervous habits are usually caused by tension. Do not try to stop your child through force or ridicule. The child will learn self control by herself, as she grows older. She will become more conscious of her appearance and learn socially appropriate behaviour.

How damaging is thumb-sucking for my baby's teeth?

It is a fact that thumb-sucking can result in your baby's upper front teeth being pushed forward and the lower teeth back. The extent to which the teeth are displaced will depend on how long the baby sucks her thumb and how she positions her thumb. This displacement of teeth is not permanent, i.e. it only affects the baby's milk teeth. The child's permanent teeth come in around the age of six, so as long as thumb-sucking is curtailed before this age, there should be no permanent damage to the child's teeth. However, as mentioned earlier, this is debatable. Sometimes the child's jaw line and palette can get disturbed, which could have an effect on the child's permanent teeth as well. She could also develop a lisp.

Is the reason behind my child's thumb-sucking, psychological?

If your child occasionally sucks his thumb but generally seems happy and well-adjusted, there is no cause for concern. However, thumb-sucking can be an indication of maladjustment or lack of love. Parents should try to identify what is bothering the child and then set it right if possible. May be your child needs companionship, or may be you are being too restrictive or not providing enough stimulation and distraction. There could be any number of reasons.

How can I help my child overcome thumb-sucking?

1. If your child is less than 4 years old:

• Thumb-sucking should be considered normal before the age of 4 and ignored, especially if your child is sick or tired.
• If thumb-sucking occurs when your child is bored and is over a year old, try to distract him - give him something to do with his hands.
• Occasionally praise your child for not sucking his thumb.
• Does your child increase his thumb-sucking when he's with his other security items like a stuffed animal? If the answer is yes, these should be removed also as it may trigger the thumb-sucking habit in his case. If the answer is no, maybe you could try distracting him with his favourite stuffed animal or blanket as an alternate form of security.
• Until your child is old enough to understand, any pressure you apply to stop thumb-sucking will only lead to resistance and lack of cooperation.

2. After 4 years of age, help your child give up thumb-sucking during the day

• Get your child's commitment to give up thumb-sucking by showing him the harmful effects on his teeth
• Appeal to his sense of pride
• Ask your child if it will be alright if you remind him when he forgets
• Encourage your child to remind himself by painting a star or applying band-aid on his thumb.
• Use a mild physical deterrent such as wrapping a piece of adhesive tape around the thumb. This could turn an unconscious habit into a conscious event. The tape should be loosely wound and not smooth.
• If your child finds himself sucking his thumb, tell him to immediately start doing something else with his thumb - like putting it inside his fist for 10 seconds, or twirling his thumbs.
• Praise your child whenever he is not sucking his thumb in situations when he previously did.
• Give him a star in his chart or reward at the end of any day during which he did not suck her thumb at all. At pre-arranged stages, reward him with toys or outings.
• Avoid pulling the thumb out of your child's mouth

3. After daytime control is established, help your child give up thumb-sucking during sleep

• Thumb-sucking during naps and at night is usually an involuntary process.

The following techniques can be followed:

a) Make your child wear long-sleeved nightwear, which will make it difficult for him to get his hand out from the sleeve and start sucking his thumb at night.

b) Wrap an elastic bandage across his elbow and waist. Pressure exerted by the bandage removes the digit from the mouth as the child tires and falls asleep.

4. Bring thumb-sucking to the attention of your child's dentist if your child still hasn't kicked the habit by the time he turns 6.

5. Do not scold, slap your child's hands or do anything to punish him for sucking.

6. Use an agreed upon keyword like tyrannosaurus or chewing gum to remind your child in public that he is thumb-sucking, without causing him embarrassment.